There's something about impending storms. Simmering feelings, undefined under my chest close to my heart. I don't know what it is. But it's that feeling you get when the blocked light turns everything a shade of gloomy yellow, and if you raise your hand you touch the ceiling of the sky. You can pull down a cloud you know.
It's standing in a high place that does the trick. You're on top of the world, and everything is spread bare before you. The rain rolls in like a heavy curtain, and it hurts because it's in torrents. It's the gale that makes you feel small, makes you feel like you could be blown away, ashes to the wind. And it makes you feel invincible, back straight, standing against the end of the world.
I have loved the rain since forever. But what I found out was that I loved seeing the thunder storm brewing and rushing towards me just as much. That calm before the storm. It's addictive.
It's being unable to see 6 feet in front of you. It's hearing the water drum a symphony, the crack of lighting and the low snarl of thunder. It's hearing the wind whistle through that gap in the windows.
It's seeing the aftermath, the swelled banks, the crooked (broken) trees, the drowned sidewalks. And the smell of after rain, and the smoke of the city that never goes away anyway.
And I think: this is when I'm most alive.
I think: It's the end of the world, and no one can stop me.
A/N: I find the whole process of rain a beautiful, beautiful thing. And it's been POURING over here (actually, today the rain's lighter). But weather forecasts says that it won't stop lololol.
Yesterday was the 'best'. It was pratically a gale, and so many trees got uprooted. caused a jam, that did. and the jurong lake swelled and ate up the chinese garden's banks. i think the trees that toppled by the bank are still half floating.
my dad couldn't get out of the car (he was just coming back) and he said he saw HAIL. DUDE. and at a corner nearby, he saw a tree crack and slam straight onto a car. luckily no one (save the poor chum's car) was injured. And i haven't had to run around mopping up puddles that leaked through the windows for like... a decade. In spite of the damage, i loved every minute of it-- seeing the rain from a distance come closer like a curtain, and the afterwards. then again, i didn't get wet, so i don't know XD
I know rain is an over used imagery (see: angsty love scenes, epic funerals) but have you ever felt like you could throw yourself into the sky and fly anywhere you want whenever there's a storm? It's calming, and somehow i feel empowered.
(yes, yes i know this sounds the same as that road run. But it's the rainy season!)
Monday, March 16, 2009
Sunday, March 8, 2009
The gift of last memories
Okuribito--Departures
It's beautiful, poetic and sensitivly done, treading the fine balance between comedy and angst. It's little wonder why it won the Academy Award for Best Foreign Language Film in the 2009 Oscars, and whole lot of others too. If you haven't watched it yet, GO. IT'S SUBARASHI! SAIKO! SUGOI! ICHIBAN! GOOOOOOOOO.
It's beautiful, poetic and sensitivly done, treading the fine balance between comedy and angst. It's little wonder why it won the Academy Award for Best Foreign Language Film in the 2009 Oscars, and whole lot of others too. If you haven't watched it yet, GO. IT'S SUBARASHI! SAIKO! SUGOI! ICHIBAN! GOOOOOOOOO.
Monday, March 2, 2009
And so they died miserably ever after.
'The Savage nodded, frowning. "You got rid of them. Yes, that's just like you. Getting rid of everything unpleasant instead of learning to put up with it. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles and ending them... But you don't do either. Neither suffer nor oppose. You just abolish the slings and arrows. It's too easy."
...
"What you need," the Savage went on, "is something with tears for a change. Nothing costs enough here."
...
"But I like the inconveniences."
"We don't," said the Controller. "We prefer to do things comfortably."
"But I don't want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin."
"In fact," said Mustapha Mond, "you're claiming the right to be unhappy."
"Alright then," said the Savage defiantly, "I'm claiming the right to be unhappy."
"Not to mention the right to grow old and ugly and impotent; the right to have syphillis and cancer; the right to have too little to eat; the right to be lousy; the right to live in constant apprehension of what may happen tomorrow; the right to catch typhoid; the right to be tortured by unspeakable pains of every kind."
There was a long silence.
"I claim them all," said the Savage at last.'
-Chapter XVII, Brave New World, by Aldous Huxley
(this is one of my favourite passages in the book, the other being the ending. But giving endings away is akin to killing a story. Anyway, this is slightly more comprehensive out of context then were i to take out the ending instead.)
...
"What you need," the Savage went on, "is something with tears for a change. Nothing costs enough here."
...
"But I like the inconveniences."
"We don't," said the Controller. "We prefer to do things comfortably."
"But I don't want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin."
"In fact," said Mustapha Mond, "you're claiming the right to be unhappy."
"Alright then," said the Savage defiantly, "I'm claiming the right to be unhappy."
"Not to mention the right to grow old and ugly and impotent; the right to have syphillis and cancer; the right to have too little to eat; the right to be lousy; the right to live in constant apprehension of what may happen tomorrow; the right to catch typhoid; the right to be tortured by unspeakable pains of every kind."
There was a long silence.
"I claim them all," said the Savage at last.'
-Chapter XVII, Brave New World, by Aldous Huxley
(this is one of my favourite passages in the book, the other being the ending. But giving endings away is akin to killing a story. Anyway, this is slightly more comprehensive out of context then were i to take out the ending instead.)
Thursday, February 26, 2009
This happens when my head feels foggy.
Yesterday i saw a rainbow. It was big, a huge arch hung high up, a bridge or maybe a divider between two pictures--dark rolling clouds with rain and bright cerulean against the sunset. And right down the middle, it was like walking between dimensions, like you could draw a line in the sky and no one would be able to tell that both sides were actually connected to each other.
The rainbow was beautiful and clear. And it had a twin, a faint one that dodged cameras even as it shimmered in and out of existence. that was in the evening.
But earlier, the sun was so harsh at Bishan park that i thought that the grass would burst into flames. or maybe i'm over exaggerating. but i felt like heat stroke and the stench of sweaty bodies hiding under trees as they stole off to drink milo from the milo van even when they weren't supposed to.
anyway, it was a school road run.
Listen: this is where it starts. at the time the mass run set off to the sound of a horn for competitions, we walked. and walked. and refused to run because that is what teenagers do best, and listened to ipods and chattered with friends and tried to sneak past the marshalls standing guard at shortcuts. and some did run. i brisked walked. lucky for us, there were trees, or i think we would be running in the gobi desert, throats parched and sweat making our eyebrows heavy. above us, black clouds appeared out of the blue (haha, pun) and then suddenly, it wasn't so hot anymore.
The rain came like a wall of water. some people ran into it because there was only one road then. Many were running away from it, like a dobberman on your heels as though your pants smelled like beef jerky. one moment, you are fleeing, and next thing you know, you're a running victorian secrets fashion disaster, your (black) bra in stark contrast to your white cotten tee, now translucent, and you have no idea when you have become drenched. come to think of it, it was comical.
rain got into my shoes. rain got into my ipod. If i were in a dry place, i would look as though i jumped into a pool with my clothes on. rain fell against my glasses, and at that moment, i wished my glasses were a car, with screenwipers so that i don't crash into trees. in two pavillions, wet bodies huddled under the shelter, crowded like slimy eels. the rain still blew in somewhat anyway. i heard that the wind blew some people bent, their backs not strong enough to resist the gale and they looked like old women with hunched backs. or unstable penguins toppling over.
back at the field where we were supposed to be, water refused to seep into the ground. people dashed acrossed the field, irregardless of lightning lighting up the whole sky. i ran, heedless of the rain, back to the tent which held my bag. my bag is canvas, a little pseudo leather, and full of paper notes. it has an umbrella. i hauled it (along with some other people, and i didn't haul them) over to the void deck nearby, us cramming under my umbrella as though we would be dry by standing under it. it did keep our bags relatively dry. i remember wading across the road, teachers suddenly becoming traffic wardens, pausing traffic like spliting a swelling ocean. actually, it was only two teachers, desperately stopping traffic to avoid students getting run over in a bad arcade game.
i played ferryman after that, carrying my little black umbrella around moving people who were carrying more than one bag in an attempt to keep them above muddy watery field (the boys tended to carry an armful) across the river styx, except that it was actually to shelter. pretending that the bags under me wouldn't get any wetter. i saw a bag, cloth, tote, open. muddy water just flowed in, and if the notes in there still retained its shape i would be surprised.
Back at the shelters where most of the crowd were, away from the media crew bodily, and umbrella-ly sheltering their speakers and mikes, away from the new found beasts of burden loaded with schoolbags and making a pilgrimage to dry haven, away from the teachers who stayed and got their working shoes decimated, the people still got wet, if the rain was washed in by the wind. Everytime the thunder rolled, they shrieked, as though their lives were at an end. and maybe it was. approximately the cost of $70, the price of a graphic calculator, and a wadful of notes cramped in a non water-proof bag.
and then after a while, it was over. most people, already wet, walked over when there was less rain to the void deck where their bags (mostly black again) were put in a sea of other bags. i stood on the bus with my friends, getting stares from passengers who wondered who these freaks were, and don't you dare drip on me i have designer shoes. (or maybe they stared at us with pity, although they would inch probably away from us, them being utterly dry.)
and i wondered if i should have stood in the rain, watch the winds blow the water across the pond like a mini sea storm, feel the rivets of water get into my eyes and make it sting, let it flow down my spine, and laugh at the sky and feel invincible and alive.
later, i saw the rainbow.
EDIT: upon re-reading, it's strange what your mind comes up with when it's half full of fluff. The only thing i can say in defence to this piece of crap is i was half asleep.
STORY CUT SHORT: my school had a road run at Bishan Park. (WHO THE HELL HOLDS RUNS AT BISHAN PARK WHEN YOU'RE AT BUONA VISTA?!) They didn't have a wet weather program. naturally, it rained. we got very very wet. our G.C got wet. our notes got wet. Some of these got utterly screwed. Cameras, handphones and mp3 players were also on the casualty lists. Beautiful weather, that.
The rainbow was beautiful and clear. And it had a twin, a faint one that dodged cameras even as it shimmered in and out of existence. that was in the evening.
But earlier, the sun was so harsh at Bishan park that i thought that the grass would burst into flames. or maybe i'm over exaggerating. but i felt like heat stroke and the stench of sweaty bodies hiding under trees as they stole off to drink milo from the milo van even when they weren't supposed to.
anyway, it was a school road run.
Listen: this is where it starts. at the time the mass run set off to the sound of a horn for competitions, we walked. and walked. and refused to run because that is what teenagers do best, and listened to ipods and chattered with friends and tried to sneak past the marshalls standing guard at shortcuts. and some did run. i brisked walked. lucky for us, there were trees, or i think we would be running in the gobi desert, throats parched and sweat making our eyebrows heavy. above us, black clouds appeared out of the blue (haha, pun) and then suddenly, it wasn't so hot anymore.
The rain came like a wall of water. some people ran into it because there was only one road then. Many were running away from it, like a dobberman on your heels as though your pants smelled like beef jerky. one moment, you are fleeing, and next thing you know, you're a running victorian secrets fashion disaster, your (black) bra in stark contrast to your white cotten tee, now translucent, and you have no idea when you have become drenched. come to think of it, it was comical.
rain got into my shoes. rain got into my ipod. If i were in a dry place, i would look as though i jumped into a pool with my clothes on. rain fell against my glasses, and at that moment, i wished my glasses were a car, with screenwipers so that i don't crash into trees. in two pavillions, wet bodies huddled under the shelter, crowded like slimy eels. the rain still blew in somewhat anyway. i heard that the wind blew some people bent, their backs not strong enough to resist the gale and they looked like old women with hunched backs. or unstable penguins toppling over.
back at the field where we were supposed to be, water refused to seep into the ground. people dashed acrossed the field, irregardless of lightning lighting up the whole sky. i ran, heedless of the rain, back to the tent which held my bag. my bag is canvas, a little pseudo leather, and full of paper notes. it has an umbrella. i hauled it (along with some other people, and i didn't haul them) over to the void deck nearby, us cramming under my umbrella as though we would be dry by standing under it. it did keep our bags relatively dry. i remember wading across the road, teachers suddenly becoming traffic wardens, pausing traffic like spliting a swelling ocean. actually, it was only two teachers, desperately stopping traffic to avoid students getting run over in a bad arcade game.
i played ferryman after that, carrying my little black umbrella around moving people who were carrying more than one bag in an attempt to keep them above muddy watery field (the boys tended to carry an armful) across the river styx, except that it was actually to shelter. pretending that the bags under me wouldn't get any wetter. i saw a bag, cloth, tote, open. muddy water just flowed in, and if the notes in there still retained its shape i would be surprised.
Back at the shelters where most of the crowd were, away from the media crew bodily, and umbrella-ly sheltering their speakers and mikes, away from the new found beasts of burden loaded with schoolbags and making a pilgrimage to dry haven, away from the teachers who stayed and got their working shoes decimated, the people still got wet, if the rain was washed in by the wind. Everytime the thunder rolled, they shrieked, as though their lives were at an end. and maybe it was. approximately the cost of $70, the price of a graphic calculator, and a wadful of notes cramped in a non water-proof bag.
and then after a while, it was over. most people, already wet, walked over when there was less rain to the void deck where their bags (mostly black again) were put in a sea of other bags. i stood on the bus with my friends, getting stares from passengers who wondered who these freaks were, and don't you dare drip on me i have designer shoes. (or maybe they stared at us with pity, although they would inch probably away from us, them being utterly dry.)
and i wondered if i should have stood in the rain, watch the winds blow the water across the pond like a mini sea storm, feel the rivets of water get into my eyes and make it sting, let it flow down my spine, and laugh at the sky and feel invincible and alive.
later, i saw the rainbow.
EDIT: upon re-reading, it's strange what your mind comes up with when it's half full of fluff. The only thing i can say in defence to this piece of crap is i was half asleep.
STORY CUT SHORT: my school had a road run at Bishan Park. (WHO THE HELL HOLDS RUNS AT BISHAN PARK WHEN YOU'RE AT BUONA VISTA?!) They didn't have a wet weather program. naturally, it rained. we got very very wet. our G.C got wet. our notes got wet. Some of these got utterly screwed. Cameras, handphones and mp3 players were also on the casualty lists. Beautiful weather, that.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
In which i fail to make sense
It's late, but, I'm 18! YAY. My family went to The Ship in Shaw House to eat steak and ESCARGOTS for my birthday, and later we had macadamia ice-cream cake! It sure is goooood. Also, that my birthday was during the holidays still was a major bonus. I don't mind being 18, but I mind not having a life when i'm 18 XD
It's been only the first week of school and i'm already brain dead. In the deprived of sleep way. i hope it doesn't continue for the rest of the year o-o
Anyway, my econs teacher freaked me out today, by giving us the effing timeline for the year. Right at the top of the board: "A levels: 9 Nov--4 Dec". and then the whole itenary of term exams and what not... and by the looks of it...
haha, i'm hyperventilating again.
I don't know, it feels really really final, more so than the O's did. I think it's because it's for the entry for university, which will basically decide what you will be in the future.
Enough of that for now lol for I have come up with a goal! excercise to look good in that dress i will be wearing for my cuz's wedding, HAHA.
...i think my brain has lost it's functions.
It's been only the first week of school and i'm already brain dead. In the deprived of sleep way. i hope it doesn't continue for the rest of the year o-o
Anyway, my econs teacher freaked me out today, by giving us the effing timeline for the year. Right at the top of the board: "A levels: 9 Nov--4 Dec". and then the whole itenary of term exams and what not... and by the looks of it...
haha, i'm hyperventilating again.
I don't know, it feels really really final, more so than the O's did. I think it's because it's for the entry for university, which will basically decide what you will be in the future.
Enough of that for now lol for I have come up with a goal! excercise to look good in that dress i will be wearing for my cuz's wedding, HAHA.
...i think my brain has lost it's functions.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
"By the people, for the people"
Warning: This post abuses capslock. so EXTREME.
TODAY IS EPIC.
1) After my oral presentation, i'm finally done with project work. It's done. Finished. Over. HALLELUJAH! Now i don't have to burn my pocket full of holes to pay for printing! (all i need now is an 'A', kufufufu) LET ME REPEAT: NO MORE PW! EVER! JOY TO THE WORLD!
2)
US presidential elections is also OVER, with Sen. Barack Obama winning by a landslide in terms of electoral votes. Ladies and gentlemen, we are witnessing history. This day will be recorded as the time when the USA chose their first black african american president. For the first time in history, we have a minority in the white house. Compared to the past, america sure has come a long way.
But why am i bothering? Well, although we are half a world away, America is currently the strongest in the world. THEY DICTATE ALMOST EVERYTHING. (Also because i derive some of my TV entertainment from this long long campaign from Saturday Night Live, and don't forget that ever fateful prank call to Sarah Palin. Seal hunting. I love Canadians XD.) And also because this THING-THAT-NEVER-ENDS is finally coming to an end. FINALLY. (and also because i not so sekretly support obama haha)
ALSO, THIS. Asian stock markets rise as US elects Obama
Then, this: Japanese stocks fall on Obama win
LOL WHUT?
3) AND THIS IS EVEN MORE EPIC. HOLOGRAMS IN CNN. holograms. holograms. HOLOGRAMS. technology is getting so advanced. just...just...wao.
so... "Obi-wan, you're my only hope."
man, HOLOGRAMS. that's so snazzy. and tops almost everything that happened today. except the fact that my PW is over XD.
EDIT: 4) MY KAPUT PS2 GOT FIXED. NOW THIS JUST MAKES THE DAY AWESOME.
TODAY IS EPIC.
1) After my oral presentation, i'm finally done with project work. It's done. Finished. Over. HALLELUJAH! Now i don't have to burn my pocket full of holes to pay for printing! (all i need now is an 'A', kufufufu) LET ME REPEAT: NO MORE PW! EVER! JOY TO THE WORLD!
2)
US presidential elections is also OVER, with Sen. Barack Obama winning by a landslide in terms of electoral votes. Ladies and gentlemen, we are witnessing history. This day will be recorded as the time when the USA chose their first black african american president. For the first time in history, we have a minority in the white house. Compared to the past, america sure has come a long way.But why am i bothering? Well, although we are half a world away, America is currently the strongest in the world. THEY DICTATE ALMOST EVERYTHING. (Also because i derive some of my TV entertainment from this long long campaign from Saturday Night Live, and don't forget that ever fateful prank call to Sarah Palin. Seal hunting. I love Canadians XD.) And also because this THING-THAT-NEVER-ENDS is finally coming to an end. FINALLY. (and also because i not so sekretly support obama haha)
ALSO, THIS. Asian stock markets rise as US elects Obama
Then, this: Japanese stocks fall on Obama win
LOL WHUT?
3) AND THIS IS EVEN MORE EPIC. HOLOGRAMS IN CNN. holograms. holograms. HOLOGRAMS. technology is getting so advanced. just...just...wao.
so... "Obi-wan, you're my only hope."
man, HOLOGRAMS. that's so snazzy. and tops almost everything that happened today. except the fact that my PW is over XD.
EDIT: 4) MY KAPUT PS2 GOT FIXED. NOW THIS JUST MAKES THE DAY AWESOME.
Monday, November 3, 2008
tempus neminem manet: time does not wait
AKA the theme of Persona 3, my current drug. It's made of pure win, including dating simulation game elements XD. The main character, whom you can name in the game, is called Arisato Minato in the manga, which means (as a pun) 'main character'. He is hiliarious XD. This is definately one of the best RPG games EVER. And it also made me actually like techno-ish music. :3 If you have a PS2 and like RPGs, and haven't touched this game yet, this is a must play, it's not as emo as it looks, really!
Well, what i'm looking at is also this:
<3 GROOVY Y/Y?
Aside from my fangirling (AGAIN, why do i keep doing this anyway? =A=) i do have goals for this holidays:
1) MUG
2) MUG
3) play :D
4) MUG
5) MUG
of which 1, 2, 4, 5 i'm failing at right now DX But, i will prevail! After all, i just can't lag behind again. No way.
Time does not wait. This is my only shot.
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